A Confusion and A Confession

Something significant happened today, I was visiting a friend in hospital, he was about to be operated for some orthopedic issue. and we were talking about few silly stuff suddenly I noticed I a lost-looking woman talking on the phone. On the other side of the glass, her two friends stood beside me. “Look to your right! We’re behind you,” and they started to laugh as if they weren’t in a hospital rather in cafe. It supposed to be irritating in a sense since they should observe silence instead but without a notice, they took me back to my memory lane.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. And as I concealed my smile, I felt tears welling in my eyes. They reminded me of my very old friend. With that realisation came a pang of longing that I’d been trying to suppress. And I missed her.

My dear friend, Tara Devi Lama, was a big part of my life. Until one day she was not anymore. Until today I still wonder if She was in love or I never really understood her at all. I can’t blame myself but my age, I was too young to understand romanticism. So let’s go back and share you the story.

A many years ago when I was still a working student in Nicosia, Cyprus I met Tara, an international student from Nepal. She was a year senior in my school. And I still can’t remember well how we first interacted but I remember, even before knowing, my heart fully accepted her as my very dear friend. A friendship I would treasure all my life. It was probably her charm or kind and sisterly look or whatever it was, I could not imagine a single day to end without making a conversation with her. We texted a lot and we had miles and miles of walks together taking about senseless things. And we were happy. But one day things started to change. It was imperceptible at first, just the odd unanswered text. I felt like She was newly in love and I was excited for her. But I never knew it was probably me she was in love with. I tried to convince myself that it was just a temporary glitch, that she’ll understand And remain as friends. But I was wrong, as summer faded and the leaves turned brown, the phone calls dried up. Texts sat without reply. Our meet-ups ceased to exist. She stopped being a friend because I never wanted to be anything other than that. And on a late summer night we had to breakup the friendship I would never ever wanted to expire. and She cursed me I would never be truly happy with anyone I would ever love in life. I was speechless and That was the end of Tara’s story.

For a long time, my mind raked over things I might have said or done to not upset my friend. I overthought everything but I knew it was all over a long time ago. For many years I couldn’t bear the weight of the sadness of losing a friend. Everytime I loves and lost, I’d remember the curse of Tara. Every time I loved and I had served my purpose in their lives and my presence was no longer required. It was the most pathetic truth I had to live with.

Anyways, from Tara’s story I came to realize what I would like you to carefully read and understand. Love and friendship are two very strong feelings that are at once similar and distinctly different from one another.

Maybe we have romantic feelings for your friend or maybe we only feel friendship towards your girlfriend or boyfriend or a person you lived under the same roof for months . It’s not easy to be sure when you don’t really know how to tell the difference between the two. And even at my age sometimes it confuses me.

Whether in friendship or in love, feelings are very much present and very strong. You love this person and want to spend time with them and keep a strong connection. And it’s pretty much same when youve a best friend. Because ultimately There’s not that big a difference between friendship and love.

The idea of friendship is support and a strong bond. Friends have a strong bond and support one another, no matter what. With your friends, you laugh, you cry, you talk, you listen – basically, you do everything you like, together. Each of you trusts and respects the other. Only a broken heart would know HOW important it’s to have someone you trust and can share all you want to vent out.

When you come down to it, with love, it’s the same thing. Except you have to add the sexual aspect that isn’t a part of friendship. Two friends aren’t supposed to feel sexual desire towards each other. Two lovers, on the other hand, are. Let’s say that in love, you find all the same codes that you do in friendship, along with sex (in any form).

With friends, you don’t care about leaving the house with messy hair and no makeup on. And the idea of going to bed with your friend makes you laugh more than anything else. (And may even disgust you time to time.)

Humans psychology and behavior is so mysterious. Sometimes we start a relationship bring friends and end up being lovers. And sometimes (many times) we start being lovers and end up being friends.

Please take note of the sheer truth, You can’t force someone to feel the same things you do. That was the mistake my best friend Tara made, and paid for it in an unfortunate way.

Life is worth the effort of being lived with some risks, and admitting your feelings to someone is a risk that can be worth taking. It’s up to you to decide if you’re prepared to possibly lose or win this friendship with this person. Tara failed to understand this simple fact, and we ended up being separated, sadly.

To sum it up, for all who are confused with how to handle such scenarios, to know how to tell the difference between love and friendship, you have to take into account the aspects of seduction and sexual desire. In friendship, these don’t exist. In love, they’re inevitable. Simple as it is.

But, again, Regardless of the kind of relationship, the feelings should be reciprocal. Otherwise, one of the two people involved will be suffering because they don’t have what they really want.

If you are my friend and If we’ve been friends till now, it’s because I can trust, listen to, and understand you. That how I’d choose my path and move forward with you. I cannot be forced to change my perspective and I cannot force anyone to change theirs. We all must remember to take care of and make the best choices for ourselves. I will need to stop for today. I’ve a 9hrs shift ahead in a few minutes. Thanks for reading!