So Complicated!

Okay! so it’s another Saturday night coming after today and I am sure I am going to be curled up on my bamboo bed, smoking and wondering what the hell is wrong with me because I don’t have a date – AGAIN!


All of  the guys I know have dates, girl friends, wives and I truly can’t actually see if there’s something special about them. So my question to myself is why can’t I find someone to love me?

This is going to be a heart breaking fact, but have I ever thought that maybe I am  the problem?


Hmmm maybe its possible that my friends have dates, girlfriends, and wives and it’s because they aren’t me!


Ouch! I know. That’s harsh. But stay with me here for a second. and I will try to explain.


What if the reason I am not happily attached to any woman is because, I am doing things that is irritating to women? Double ouch!!

If I haven’t found serious love yet and if I feel like I’ve tried everything, I must consider that maybe I haven’t tried everything yet. So after a few minutes self analisys I realized that there are few  things I desperately need to learn and understand, which could be the main reasons why I haven’t found true love. Love that I hallucinate and pray for.


And I’m sharing this to you so you can be open to exploring these reasons.


The answer I seek is right here and I just realized I’m  not open to seeing it. Should I go ahead and stay alone then forever?  Should not I finally grow up and act according to my level of own realization? Hmmm Well let me share what I have found out:


Have I ever considered that I am putting too much pressure on people to be awesome all the time? A princess charming wakes up with bad breath, that’s very natural, and she needs to comb her hair before she could look like a princess. Meaning to say:

No one is perfect and I need to understand that I am no where close to perfection so I don’t deserve someone perfect. I deserve someone who will make me happy. not everyday but every time there will be opportunities, and that’s about it.


The fact, that I think I deserve love, is quite contradictory. Do I really deserve it? Don’t I have to work for it? I can’t just sit around and think it’s going to magically appear! So silly me!


Another thing to consider is the rate at which I expect a relationship to move.

If I have only just met her and I am wondering why she is not blowing up my phone, I must ask myself why I have to expect that to happen supersonic fast?


Don’t I have a job I should be doing right now? Of course she isn’t texting you a million times day, she isn’t jobless and I’m sure I would never even bother interacting to jobless girls.


Thinking of myself someone great just the way I am is awesome, I know I always think I have an extra ordinary soul. I am proud of my pure heart. but the fact is if I haven’t found the person that makes me feel whole, I might want to take a look at myself and my equations. Maybe I’m not that awesome indeed. I should consider that there’s something about me that isn’t attracting the right kind of woman I want to spend my life with.

Something is definitely wrong and I don’t mean my looks, my fashion sense – I mean my personality, my complexity, my demands, and my work schedule. I need to Wake up from the bullshit I am feeding myself and I might find things start to change.


My final and most important realization was: I am Picking The Wrong People. Let’s say I have found lots of great girls, amazingly adorable women, smart and yummy by heart, just as kissoholic as I am, but why when it’s time to get serious, they just bails?


On the flip side, it might not be me at all. It might be that I am picking the wrong kind of woman to be with.


It’s not unheard of – some men are perpetually attracting to the wrong kind of girl. It’s just what happens. It’s also called self-sabotage. Scary part is, If I continue to pick the same kind of girl over and over again and then I don’t have to find Miss. Right and settle down, ever!


hmm I don’t know what else to say? There could be a girl standing right in front of me, silently telling me how tickling I am, but maybe I am just clueless that I don’t even see what is happening.


So confusing! hmm still can’t figure out what I really want from a woman.


If someone looks disgusting I don’t even bother reading her mind. Even just once! And I keep judging a book by its cover. Which is so very wrong!


Well these were parts of my self analysis. I’m sure you can do your own and find out what makes the love life so complicated!


If my words somehow helps you understand the complexity of human psycophysical needs and wants and barriers, I’d be glad that I sacrificed my sleep writing this for you. Feel free to share to your love ones, who matters!


– Safin


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