Your Valentine, And Some Thoughts!

It’s February again, the second month of the year since 1582 AD. A month that some people celebrates with exciting Valentine’s day and for some people like me, it’s the month of Free and Open Source Software, we celebrate the recognition of Linux, Mozilla, Google Chrome, OpenOffice and BitTorrent. Since lately my workload was not as heavy as it used to be I had the chance to be thoughtful again. My brain was looking for something to think about and So I was wondering what to do this February to make it less monotonous, as a certified single the question buzzed back in my head: why I am still single? in-spite and despite of everything?. Quite frankly, I think I am decent looking (let’s not include size and shape as a criteria in the scoring process), and I am earning enough to support myself, and I am not too boring of course, based on the people’s rating. So why cant I figure out how to find someone to hangout with? and/or get to know better as a process of finding my one true love or eventually falling in love? Is this my communication skill? or something else that I am not aware of? So, since I am obviously failing to find all those answers of why’s, one of my colleague (thanks to Mr. Yusuke) suggested me to consider trying out my luck at my work-place, may be one of the colleagues, maybe that pretty girl I see walking around almost every single day. so let me share my thoughts and ideas in detail for your best understanding.  

Historically, I didn’t ever mind mingling much with my colleagues, but I have seen a lots of people meet their partners at work. They met at work, they started dating, they fell into love, they built family and lived happily ever after. Our company does not even have explicit policies against it. So what if I and a colleague started flirting? and What if we want to explore a healthy, long-lasting and successful relationship? Should I steer clear? Would this impact my professional perspectives? How would be best way to balance my work with personal life? what are the key points to consider? So if you also have same questions, if you are also puzzled with unanswered questions, Lets discuss to clarify things, to find the best possible logical solution for this February to be a turning point of your life.

Based on what I saw in my last two decades working life, there are numerous good reasons why coworkers may fall for one another. Rule of thumb is: when we spend a decent amount of time at work with someone, and if you put two person in close proximity, working together, having open, vulnerable conversations, there’s a valid chance that there are going to be a relationship buildup. sometimes its purely working relationship and something it turn into romantic relationship (we are still human anyway). And being human, it is a natural behavior would be, we tend to fall for people who are similar to ourselves, the more familiar we are with the person, the more likely it is that we’ll become attracted to one another. If we’ve become romantically interested in a colleague, I think: we can surely proceed, carefully. It will be a challenge to accept, wisely.

So here is what I was able to figure out so far. First thing to consideration would be: assessing the risks Lols. Yeah don’t laugh, I am sure you don’t want to visit the HR doors for anything. so before we act on our feelings, it’s important to think through the risks — and there are quite a few. Of course, there’s the chance that the relationship won’t work out and that there will be hurt feelings on one or both sides. There are also potential conflicts of interest (case to case basis). and lastly there are also reputational risks (which I fear most). Our professionalism may be called into question if we start dating a colleague.

Despite of the risks if you still want to move forward, then next thing to consider would be your intentions, and actually it matters a lot. The girl you want to date must have a clear understanding of your motives and her reactions will reflect if she believes in what your motives to be, When she would perceive you as having “ego motive” — seeking out the relationship to serve your own needs, whether it’s to get ahead in your company or for your own excitement — She will clearly think of you less favorably. On the other hand, I would say coworkers are generally positive if they perceive that you’re falling in love and genuinely care about each other. So, before you jump in, check your motives and consider how others will perceive them. Having positive intentions at the start may also help guard against hurt feelings and misunderstandings should the romance eventually end.

lastly we need to know company’s policies to avoid possible sanctions. For example, at Facebook and Google, you can only ask a coworker out once, and if the person says no or gives you an ambiguous response (“Sorry, I’m busy”) you’re not allowed to ask again. So please check with your immediate supervisor for clarifications. and don’t hide it, seek help from other co-workers. You never know, you may receive amazing (silly and/or effective )ideas from them too. so don’t pursue a coworker if you’re not serious about a relationship. So, that’s all for today. Let’s see how things goes and I will let you know if there would be something to add in near future. If this discussion somewhat helped you understanding the workplace romantic relationship, my time and efforts would be paid off.